big day with a focus on the LIGHT...

So today was my 1st job interview since the late '90's.

that is now 2 decades ago!

even though it was 13years ago really.

it crosses over a millennia!!

i do love the sound of that.

but it does make it bigger in my head than it needs to be.

A stay at home mum returning to the workforce.

it went well. i'll keep you posted.

but seriously ladies, how do you do it?

at this point i am daunted by the new challenges.

organising a family with a new job.

"just breathe, and get the job 1st" i keep telling myself.

vulnerability is swirling around me, through me.

surrender is hard sit with.

so today i tried to focus on the light as much as possible.

this is what helped:

hubby's birthday last night

this image stayed in my minds eye

love sparklers, love the light

listened to this all day

gorgeous chakra-centred classical music

i received this lovely "simple mantra"pendant from liz lamoreux

when i saw the word LIGHT i knew it would keep me inspired

i wore it to the interview and felt lighter

i love it

i hope your day was light

may your vulnerability be a glorious cloak that you wear

tie it around your neck with strings of surrender

be brave dear girls

we light the way

no twirls today, feeling a bit dizzy from the newness of it all

sparkling with hope and courage

*

Eat Pray Love

i loved the book when i read it. i love the movie now.

they are a bit different. but thats good. there is lots of good stuff in both.

this way you get different things from the different formats, also at different times.

when i read the book it was framed within the limitations of my travels to ny, italy & indonesia and my assumptions about india.

(because i'm a visual person i like to see it, imaging from my life's movie in my head.)

to see the images on the big screen is truly art. they get to pick great locations, amazing skies and the editing is fab. and i get to see the gorgeous-ness...

as yummy as real gelati in rome...

and then there is the story. the one that has come into the world at a time when people are searching, travelling and loving. the story isn't just the journey of one woman, it speaks to a collective, lots of us experiencing a shift in our consciousness and physical states.

some conventions, traditions and ideas are becoming ill-fitted, like wearing someone else's shoes.

what i got from this story is this:

*searchers are we. we may not need to travel far (like italy, india or indonesia) but we must go deep. into our own hearts and souls and be still enough to listen to the whispers within.

and they are there.

travel is great catalyst for soul searching, but it is possible by being where you are. i can't jet off so i'll catch delight & pleasure everyday, dance & wrestle with my crazies and silence until i can find.... stillness

* we are a social species. create family where you are.

be open and friendly, willing to experience life with other people and

the relationships can offer healing.

be daring, smile at someone.

family isn't just the people you are born to.

* vulnerability is a cloak we all carry. we get hardened by life, we must cultivate our faith in love, kindness and the generosity of others. lets keep soft, floaty cloaks not ones made of steel.

i realised this is a big one i don't talk much about.

a recent experience for me has been in the realisation that i get tough and bossy in the presence of vulnerability (illness, frailty). is it from our survival of the fittest instinct? is it a western modern construct i have learned? is it me, am i just mean?

my struggle with vulnerability goes like this: i perceive a problem. a weakness. i try to fix it. i can't. so then i have this hard line, withdrawn-love-kindof response. it is difficult to sit with things that i have no control over. and even when i can imagine a solution to someone else's vulnerability, its NOT my vulnerability to fix! if i believe; being vulnerable is okay when you are loved, supported and heard. then why would i treat my beloveds in such a yucky way? everyone just feels crappy and resistant when we attempt to cover up the vulnerable, tender spot.

i have decided this vulnerable control freak is gonna put her freak down and spread some kindness in the direction of the sore, tired, vulnerable ones i love. (self included)

*communicate. listen mainly.

do we really hear anything? anyone? God? Soul?

i'm good at the talking. a blog is silent talking, still talking....

getting some ideas out on this space IS me listening.

reading this back makes me clearer, calmer, kinder...

*it's not personal. like when you get sick. or that my son has had one virus after another for the last 2 months. or someone has cancer. someone leaves you. (it may be you but they are leaving because their own reasons).

no one deserves illness. its not because of anything i did or didn't do, thats called superstition. its not my fault. it's not personal. the virus or cancer do not make a conscious decision about who they will p*ss off today. but i can be conscious about how i deal with it. maybe become more aware of my personal journey, make a new friend or let old family in, share vulnerabilities with those people. feel heard. love and be loved in return.

*let love in.... always

*find balance and sometimes be out of balance.

(not the other way around)

there's more, but another time...

sparkle & twirl every day

*