Tuesday, April 20, 2010

so much more than this.....

there is so much going on. earthquakes and volcanic eruptions aside. something has shifted, if only for a while. i'm taking it with open arms and going with the energy. its exciting and fun. to invest myself in myself again. for real. with support and me asking for what i need. weird huh?
i want my art to be in the world. my big dream is that i could create and i would not have to work away from my kids. not be torn between earning and providing. it's hard enough to see one of us have this deal everyday. the constant choices & sacrifices i will have to make for the betterment of my children's future. i just don't see how it works in school holidays? i'm not there yet. but it is the next thing to deal with, regarding returning to the workforce in a greater capacity.
let go, let God.....

right so where was i .... oh yeah, dream dancing. i have started SARK's e-course about dreaming big and seeing the dream be in the world. i liken it to rollerskating, feeling wobbly, nervous, excited, there are people there who can guide and help you along the way, but the commitment is yours alone, finding balance and courage, being brave and having a willingness to accepted there may be some bumps along the way.

i cannot describe how sad i felt when i was not going to do it. of course for logical, sensible, practical reasons: $, lack of commitment, fear of who might be out there, uncertainty to show my art to anyone beyond my family or close friends.
BUT i wanted to take up the challenge. i had support at home; if that was what i wanted to do then i should do it. great love.
so on the phone to a friend, she convinced me. i must take a chance on me.

once i did i felt soooo very great. how magic is that....

i took a step towards my future. expanding, embracing, flowing, saying YES, leading from my heart, trusting that the time is now. leaping into a new void, not totally empty handed.
i have some friends and loved ones in one hand, art supplies in another, my computer (which i love heaps, its so clever) and a head full of ideas and a heart with a yearning to learn.

so here i go jellybeans with my pictures updated here
big week
open heart
grateful girl
sleepy, with too much i want to do.......

did i mention i'm lovin' my latest "mixed tape"
this song goes with where i'm at
but loving this, this, this oh so much more
more songs next time......

love ya guts

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am so proud of you ...
love ya